January 12, 1985.....I was 20 years old and the dad was 26. We got married at my older Sister’s house and all of our friends put together a potluck reception for us. I bought my dress off a clearance rack in a bridal shop for 50.00. A recently married client loaned me her fancy wedding hat that was quite the fashion statement during the 80’s. Lol Some long ago friends, Bruce and Cheryl, played the guitar and sang The Wedding Song by Noel Paul Stookey. We went away to Monterey for our honeymoon...and part way through I wondered if I had left the iron on at our little rental house. That was the beginning of the Dad’s anxiety and me saying, “it will be fine!” About everything. We had no idea what we were getting into! Lol We have grown up together, figuring out who we wanted to be, how we would handle whatever life threw at us.
I was a hairdresser and the dad was a journeyman insulator and I was so proud of him. He has always been such a hard worker, taking pride in providing for his family. Always looking for ways to free all of us up so that we can live to our potential, do the things that were most important to us.
We have made lots of mistakes together...oh my gosh. Either one of us had a strong background of support to come along side and teach us about parenting, or investing for later, or being partners, or house repairs...but somehow we figured it out together. By God’s grace because its nothing short of a miracle! We are total opposites....I am emotional and all about feelings and people, and the Dad is analytical, a problem solver, logical...a perfect Mars and Venus union.
Oh this man....when he could have chosen to harden his heart and become angry and resentful, I have watched him soften as he has lived through things he never planned on. He has always been for us. All of us. Everyone thinks that I am the tolerant, kind, gracious one......but really, its the Dad. Well, sometimes. LOL When I am done, fed up, on a tear, he reminds me of who we are, what we are doing, he grounds me and I know that if he can keep going, so can I.
Even when things were hard, when we weren’t connecting and things felt like they were crumbling all around us, when we would say things we didn’t mean to each other, we always knew we couldn’t do life without the other. We are a team. I always felt like we have this core to our marriage that is pretty sturdy, its withstood a lot. God knew I needed someone solid, someone I could trust implicitly...and even though nothing is ever perfect, even though we do things completely different from one another, and even though I tell the Dad he is like being married to a giant 12 year old...I can’t imagine doing this life with anyone else.
We truly are growing old together. Lol We are watching our kids get married and have babies and that is such a cool affirmation of our lives together. We are moving on to the second generation of our union. My mom used to be so proud of us because we stayed married lol....we both come from families where no one stayed married. Every anniversary my mom would say, “you two sure broke the cycle!” She loved to watch us both working outside together....that symbolized real unity to her. It usually just meant that I hadn’t won the argument to hire a yard guy to come and rake and trim and burn and blow off the pine needles. Lol I will never forget toward the end of her life, she was in Hospice care, unconscious, and I had to run to the pharmacy. When I came back there was my big husband sitting on a kitchen chair next to her bed holding her hand. “She was getting upset.”
Or the time Little One and her friend wanted to have a lemonade stand...but he wouldn’t let them sit at the top of our road alone, so he packed up his guitar, and drove them to the top, helped them get set up, and then sat there for hours playing his guitar while they did their thing.
Or the time I was away for work, Little One was away visiting big brother, and My Girl thought the house would be empty. She came home, ready to hunker down and detox on her own. The dad came home that night and realized what was happening and took the week off “just to be near by.” He asked me what he could do to help her. He bought Gatorade, he cup up melon and fed it to her, he gave her Tylenol, he quietly loved her where she was at. This good, kind, old soul...I think of those times and my heart melts. He’s always there, he’s never given up, even when the going has been so so very tough.
God knew exactly what He was doing when He let us find each other 33 years ago. Happy Anniversary Big Guy. I love who we are, who we have become and I am so thankful for us.